How Not To Be Loca

Q: Any advice YoFranny on how to get out of the "emotionally shutdown" funk when your significant other rubs you the wrong way? My boyfriend could say one small thing that upsets me and our entire evening will be ruined, cause i can't seem to snap out of my bad mood. I can't seem to control it!

A: Oh Dear Saaara, it is so unfortunate we can be such raving lunatics! I swear I can conduct myself like a rational grownup in every other situation, but when it comes to me and a boy at a sensitive moment... forget it! Just today I had cause to remind myself once again to take my own advice, which I now pass on to you. The first piece comes from something I once told Ricky when he was behaving particularly badly. He kept on saying "I'm sorry, but I'm just selfish sometimes." And I tried to explain to him that selfishness is not an incurable disease. He did have control over his behavior, whether or not he chose to exert that control. I say the same thing to you now: this emotional shutdown we experience is not incurable. But no one has the power to cure it but you.

I think that if you're honest with yourself, you have to admit (as I do) that sometimes when you're in a funk, you don't actually want to come out of it. Meaning, you might kinda sorta want to come out of it, but it's hard to do so you just kind of give up. Am I right? Lord knows I do. Sometimes I just allow myself to wallow. But we have to remember that it is not kind, mature or productive to torture the men in our lives in this way. So this leads me to my recommended course of action - Fake It 'Til You Make It! Take a deep breath, decide you are going to force yourself to act like a normal person and just do it. It also helps at times to acknowledge your shutdown to your boyfriend, rather than say nothing is wrong when clearly everything is!

Today I was hoping to see Ricky after I left work (he left before me today) but didn't communicate that plan in time and he went home when I thought he was still in the vicinity of our office. He texted me when he got home and I was instantly hurt and angry that he hadn't thought to ask me what time I was leaving, and to wait for me so he could see me before going home. I could feel the overblown response building, but I took a deep breath and forced myself to tell him that: a) I had hoped I would get to see him after work; and b) that I was taking it personally but I knew that was an irrational reaction to the situation. He told me not to take it personally, which wasn't a particularly helpful response, but I just made a choice to let it go. Something about articulating I was behaving irrationally forced me to not want him to see me continue to do so.

So, Saaara, I know you can do it. I know you can take hold of the funk and tame it! Next time you feel it coming on, just stop and make a different choice. I'm already planning how normally I am going to behave tomorrow when I see Ricky, because I know that after a little while I will actually feel normal. And after that, being normal can't be far behind. At least that's the plan!