What Would Rina Do?

I know a woman who is by all accounts, fabulous. She is beautiful and glamorous, and above all smart and determined. To know her is to know that she is someone who gets what she wants out of life, one way or another. Her determination has led her to achieve many of her life's goals, including her recent bethrothal to a previously confirmed playboy bachelor. It wasn't easy for her to bring him around to proposing, and to be honest, I didn't think she would be able to do it. I knew he was crazy about her, but he was so resistant to letting go of his "freedom", I didn't think he'd ever get married to anyone. But not only did she succeed in her quest to marry this man, he's now married her with enthusiasm.

In pondering my own relationship situation, it leads me to wonder: what would Rina do?

As previously disclosed, I am an in a "relationship" with Larry, who is committed without being committed, with me while leaving the option of leaving me open. My guess is that if I were Rina, I would do the following: a) give it to him so good he can't imagine getting it anywhere else and b) let him know that if he doesn't give me what I want, he won't be getting it ever again.

While these two pieces of advice might seem at odds with each other, I imagine Rina would explain it somewhat like this: Men are simple, ego-driven and highly sexual animals. They want to feel like men, and they want to be satisfied sexually. If you can take care of these needs, he will be satisfied and grateful and will grow ever more attached to you. Once that attachment has grown to a critical point, that's when you let him know that all of the fabulousness that is you goes away without one of your fundamental needs being met: the need to feel secure in a committed, long-term relationship.

What's fascinating is that most women I know, when they heard about the Larry situation, have given me the opposite advice, ranging from "dump him" to "that's bullshit". It so happens that most of these women are single and would prefer not to be. I point this out not as a judgment, but as a statement of fact. Is there a certain pragmatism that comes as a result of having to compromise in a committed relationship? When I told my mother about Larry, she pretty much shrugged her shoulders and said "He's fighting it. He'll come around." For the record, I would be overjoyed to have the relationship that my parents had for almost 30 years. Which leads me to wonder if the unwillingness to compromise is the reason so many of my friends (and I) are single.

Maybe Rina is on to something. She may not have had the fairy tale love story, where her man has an instant epiphany that she is the only woman on the planet for him, and he drops to one knee and pleads (in a manly way) for her to honor him by spending the rest of her life with him. She had to twist his arm a bit. But in the end, she got exactly what she wanted, and he is happy to have given it to her. Which is not to say that the fairy tale doesn't exist. It's only to say maybe there's more than one way to happily ever after.