Police Brutality

Q: (I’m paraphrasing) There’s a woman, let’s call her Lynn. Lynn is over 40, single and a police officer (let’s call her Officer Lynn!) who desperately wants to be married. Officer Lynn is perplexed as to why she can’t find a husband, since she thinks she is funny, fly, etc. Those who know Officer Lynn think she is a huge pain in the ass. To wit: she is loud and obnoxious in social settings to an almost unbearable degree, and she is obsessed with men’s wives. For example, she constantly says things to men like “Where’s your wife?” “How’s your wife?” “Well, if you didn’t have a wife..” and so on. According to my sources, Officer Lynn can be so unbearable that people avoid being places where they know she will be. But Officer Lynn has a friend, we’ll call her Sharon. And while Sharon’s husband can’t stand Officer Lynn, and neither can any of Sharon’s other friends, Sharon sees a side of Officer Lynn that most don’t and wants to help her friend but doesn’t know how.

A: I’ve known these Officer Lynn types, and let me start by saying that Sharon is a bigger and better person than I am. I’m not known for my patience. But, this isn’t about me, it’s about Sharon and Officer Lynn. Sharon, dear Sharon, first and foremost, if you do care about your friend, the thing you must be is honest with her. If you can see how much people are put off by Officer Lynn’s obnoxious ways, as her friend you should tell her. It’s Armchair Psychology 101 that Officer Lynn is aggressive as a way to protect herself. If she’s so frustrated by her singledom and so fixated on it, it’s no wonder. But if you’re the only one who can stand to be around her (which is the impression I get), it sounds like she’s moving farther and farther away from the direction of finding the companionship she so desperately wants.

So you need to point this out to her. You should probably leave out the part about your husband and all of your friends not being able to stand her. Instead, take advantage of the fact that you have what she wants – a husband. Hold yourself up as an expert (kind of like I do!) And give her the advice that she should drop the wife talk and realize that you catch more flies with honey. If she’s reluctant, present it like a challenge – tell her to just try as an experiment to see how men respond to the kinder, more-toned down, less wife-obsessed Officer Lynn. If she's not having it, oh well.  At some point, Officer Lynn might just have to continue to sleep in the bed she's made for herself. Alone. You can only do so much.

Good luck! And bless you for trying out of the kindness of your heart to make life better for Officer Lynn.