Get (the right) Shorty

Q: How to deal with running into an ex when you are not with your shorty and it’s the ex your shorty hates with a passion so much so that they are irrational about it (so I added a little color to the story). And not just running into them—you were hanging out with your friend, didn’t know the ex was going to be there, and you end up hanging out with them (friend and ex) the whole night.

Do you tell your shorty?

A: My advice is this: tell your shorty! Healthy relationships depend on honesty, and you have to put yourself in your shorty’s shoes. Scenario 1: Shorty accidentally finds out about ex-Shorty sighting. This can easily happen. An innocuous Facebook posting, the friend makes some offhand remark in front of Shorty about last week when you all went to _________. How about next time you run into ex-Shorty and this time you’re with Shorty? What if it is clear to Shorty that you and ex-Shorty have seen each other? Scenario 2: Since Shorty hates ex-Shorty so much, I have to assume there’s some actual reason (versus general dislike of anyone who was with your Shorty before you were). So what if ex-Shorty is trifling and wants to stir up some drama? Ex-Shorty can safely assume Shorty finding out you saw each other would be bad, and maybe that’s ex-Shorty’s idea of a good time…

Now, telling Shorty about ex-Shorty should definitely be prefaced with: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner – I didn’t want to upset you, but I realize that I have nothing to hide and keeping it from you is not cool. Shorty may very well be angry that you didn’t turn around and walk away at the sight of ex-Shorty, and that you didn’t tell him/her right away. So you have to be prepared for that. Maybe the solution is in the future, you do turn around and walk away and tell your Shorty about it right away. Even if you’re over ex-Shorty and don’t have a problem with him/her and think Shorty’s being irrational, oh well. Sometimes in relationships we have to accept each other’s occasional irrationalities. If we’re not willing to (selectively) compromise and do that, then maybe we’re not in the right relationship.

And for what it’s worth, Ricky recently saw The Dreaded Ex on purpose by going to her birthday drinks gathering. He told me about it before hand, and I really appreciated that he did. He also called me after he left (at a very respectable hour) and because he was so straightforward about it, I was fine with it. But if I had found out about it after-the-fact, it would’ve been a different story. So again – tell your Shorty!

BONUS advice: Don't refer to both the ex-Shorty and the current Shorty as Shorty. Personalize!