Men, Men Everywhere (Part Two)

So, to answer the question posed by my west coast reader - I think it's easier to meet men on the west coast.  BUT just as I wrote about Part One below, I think that's because of California Me.  California Me is like Regular (a.k.a. East Coast) Me, only more open.  When I lived in California, because it wasn't home, it wasn't familiar and it wasn't populated with all of my long-time friends and social circles, I didn't have a choice but to branch out.  If I wanted a social life, I was going to have to create it, rather than rely on my usual circle of friends.

As a result, I went to all types of events, hung out in various parts of town and accepted invitations I would have declined back in New York.  I wasn't always trying to meet men, but I did without much effort.  Now, I'm not saying they were all Prince Charmings.  Did I mention I'm not happily committed to an amazing man?  Right.  So take this (like all of my advice) with a grain of salt.  The lesson here is that I was living the experiment I wrote about in Part One, without even trying.

All of this means that you, my west coast friend, might have an easier time on the east coast.  But you also might want to try changing your approach right where you are.  I know single women in New York who think it's nearly impossible to meet a man here, or at least one who actually wants to commit (it can feel that way sometimes).  I know single women in D.C. who want to move because they think they will never get married if they stay there (I wasn't single when I lived there, so I wasn't attuned to the dating scene).

More and more I am coming to believe that love is not luck.  It is in our power to find love if we are open to it in whatever form it might take.  Blaming our current location might be convenient, it might even be supported by statistical evidence.  But I know that whenever I have made a point to be more open to all the possibilities around me, they have presented themselves.  Good luck!

Men, Men Everywhere (yes, even there!) Part One

I received a question from a single woman in Los Angeles asking for my opinion, as someone who has lived on both coasts, where it is easiest to meet men.  She's considering moving east and one reason is her desire to meet a man. 

Lately I'm hearing a lot of women complaining about a dearth of men - in the city where they live, in the places where they work, where they hang out, etc.  Before I get into the east coast vs. west coast debate, I thought I'd post a "vintage" yofranny post from a now-defunct blog I wrote in 2009.  I think that it addresses the "man shortage" issue in general...

Like most women of my generation, I am a fan of the TV show Sex and the City. Much has been said of the unreality of the designer clothes and the amount of time these career women had to sit around and kvetch about their man woes.  For me, the thing that struck me as most unrealistic about the show was how easily all of the characters met men.

Men are, of course, everywhere.  They're on the subway, in the supermarket, at the movie theater, the gym, the dentist's office - everywhere.  But are attractive, available men who want to date me everywhere?  I have had my Sex and the City moments.  I've gone out with men I've met at yoga, in line at the deli and sitting next to me at a restaurant.  So I know it can happen, it just seems to happen so rarely.

I recognize the possibility that it's me.  Not my physical attractiveness - that is what it is, and I'm going to be some men's cup of tea and not others.  That I can live with.  But perhaps it is my mindset - my expectation that men are not everywhere, even though they are plainly all around me.  Maybe I just need to open my eyes and keep them aimed in the direction of the attractive/interesting guy browsing the dairy section and think to myself, "What would Carrie do?"  Most likely, she would smile, look away coyly and then back again.  I think I can manage that.  We'll see how it goes.


Maybe all the single ladies out there should give that a try too!