Single in Frisco (For now!)

Q: Where have all the good men gone? Are they all married or gay?
What happened to the days of yonder when men opened doors for ladies,
paid on a dates, and genuinely made an effort?
Where do nice girls meet nice boys in their mid to late 30s?
How do you get your flirt on? Pick up a guy in the market or at the gym?

So many questions..... so few answers.

-Single in Frisco

A: Dear Single in Frisco,
I so feel your pain. I know how impossible it can feel to get unsingle when you want to. Sometimes it feels like a miracle that two people can truly connect. Coco wrote to me with similar questions some months back. You can read that post here. As a post script, she’s now happily – actually ecstatically one month into a relationship with a man she met on a train platform. He takes her out to dinner and calls when he says he’s going to and all that good stuff! So there is hope out there!

I am probably going to sound like a broken record here, but I do wholeheartedly believe that it is important to have faith that good men are out there. We know that they are – think of the ones that you know. Yes, they might not be romantic options for you but they show us they do exist. I also think it’s really important to remember that your partner might not come to you in the package or in the way you expect. Many great relationships have had completely inauspicious beginnings. And plenty of people have fallen in love with those who aren’t their “type”. Maybe he’s older than you think he is, maybe he’s divorced, maybe he’s younger, maybe he’s bald! Who cares if you’re happy with him?

My more practical advice is this:

1. Put the word out. I personally have never had anyone set me up (and I’m slightly offended about that, but I digress) but if I were looking I would be happy to be set up. I’m always on the lookout for my single friends. Put your friends to work!

2. Go on the prowl. I mean it. You don’t necessarily have to go bar-hopping to be on the prowl. You can be on the prowl during your morning commute, at the grocery store and at the gym. Stay vigilant! And don’t be afraid to make the first move. Eligible men are (obviously) not growing on trees, so don’t waste an opportunity when you find one!

3. Try something new. I don’t necessarily mean a new activity (though that couldn’t hurt), but I mean a new way to meet people. Yes, I do recommend the dreaded internets. There are a million dating sites for a reason, and check them out until you find one for you. There are real, live people on the other side of those profiles and even if 99% of them are wack, remember: it only takes one.

As for the opening doors and paying for dates, I promise you there are ones who still do that, too. And if you find someone you like who drops the ball on the chivalry aspect, I recommended doing an “appraisal” and deciding if its worth your time and energy to teach him some etiquette. He might not come completely up to par, but if he's a good person and otherwise worthy of your time and attention, you might want to invest in him anyway.

My last piece of advice is this: don't glorify the past. It's very tempting for us 30somethings, 40somethings and whatnot to think back to the days when it seemed like meeting people of the opposite sex was as easy as walking down the street. We're probably a little bit right and a little bit wrong about how easy it was. In any event, that was then and this is now. Besides, most of those guys weren't so great! Onward and upward...

Good luck and make sure you let me know about that hot, chivalrous guy you meet at the grocery store next week!