Plot. Scheme. Repeat.

Every night
I have the same dream
I'm hatching some plot
Scheming some scheme
Oh yeah...


- No Line on the Horizon, by U2


Finding someone new to crush on is so exciting to me.  I had forgotten just how exciting.  There's that sweet spot of time before you really know each other, when the possibility of what that person might be to you stretches your imagination to envision bliss.  I love a project, and a new man is a project.  Identifying the next new man, or at least a potential one, is half the fun, isn't it?  What will I do to catch his eye?  What will I do once I've caught it?  I'm a firm believer in letting the guy make the first move.  But of course I have to do my part by making myself...inviting.  Not always a simple task since I'm constantly told I'm "intimidating" (read: tall, not easily impressed, aloof at times, blah blah blah).

So today, I found someone hot and extremely promising.  In order to make myself "un-intimidating", I tossed off my bulky cardigan and scarf at record speed to reveal a lovely dress underneath, smiled and actually posed, all for this new man's benefit.  The good news is, he definitely noticed.  The project is underway!  This is very early stages, so early yet I'm not even giving him a name.  By the end of the week, I may have abandoned this particular project.  It's too soon to tell.  But in the meantime, this is fun and will definitely consume some of my time over the next couple of days.

I can be such a handful, I almost feel sorry for my new guy, whoever he may be.  I am great in many ways but I am also a pain in the butt.  But that's OK - even in my wildest fantasy that's the most I can dream him to be, too.

The High Road

I'll be brief: Ricky is no longer a topic of conversation on this blog. Hopefully this will result in one less reader. THE END.

Birthday Schmirthday.

Oh, I hate to be such a cliché.  But today is my birthday and I am feeling a bit bummed out.  I'm back in the same job I was in a year ago, and it's not the world's greatest job.  I was single on my birthday last year, but I had Ricky, my then work boyfriend, giving me lots of time and attention.  Now, I have no cute boys giving me time and attention and I'm still getting over the sting of being dumped.  Ricky brought me a cup of cappuccino from Starbucks as a birthday present (1. Don't forget - we still work together!  2.  I recently went to Italy and fell in love with cappuccino; and 3. Starbucks has terrible, terrible cappuccino.)  Serving the current function of "safe punching bag" in my life, I sent Ricky a text rant today that blamed him for everything from breaking up with me, to bringing me crappy cappuccino to my being another year older.  Older?  Yes.  More mature?  Possibly not so much. 


When I'm feeling down I try to be proactive, lest I wallow so long and so deep in self pity that I am unable to escape my own self-imposed misery.  So I typed out "Reasons to feel good I'm another year older." And then I sat and stared at the blank page.  Hmmm.  I started to type "I'm healthy and strong" but then I stopped myself.  That goes in the category of "Things to be grateful for."  And luckily, I don't have any trouble writing that list.  I have much to be grateful for, starting with the good fortune to be born when, where and to whom I was and ending with all the amazing people in my life today.  


Being happy about being older, about being squarely on the steady march to 40, 50 and beyond...  That's much more challenging.  Eventually I came up with 6 reasons, all of which, except the last, are admittedly lame.  I actually started with the ol' standby "wiser." (Is that just something we tell ourselves to ease the sting of aging?  Well, in my case the answer is a resounding YES!)  Out of desperation I put "At least I'm still pretty" as #5.  Really?  That's the best I could come up with?  Lame, and it has nothing to do with being a year older.  The 6th and best was "There are a lot of people who are happy I'm alive and kicking another year."


To those people, thank you.  Thank you for being you and loving me, warts, rants and all.  I suppose growing older isn't so bad so long as you have some wonderful people to do it with.  And I just thought of another reason - the excitement of looking forward to what the next year will bring.